can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
