i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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