Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
