Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
