turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
