I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My vagina is very pro this idea
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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