she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
