I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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