Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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