So drunk its hurt
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
