He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
