I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
