TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
