My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
