I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
