How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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