so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
