I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
