Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
