you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
