he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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