hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
