I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
