I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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