There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
