I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
