last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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