you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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