go do what you do best...puke behind churches
only you would photoshop your dick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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