Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize