he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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