I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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