Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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