youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
