she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
