True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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