We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
