What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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