Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
