I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drake has all the answers
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
