Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
