Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
