Porn is love you can see.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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