If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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