HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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