You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
