How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
