My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
