Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
