did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
