I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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