awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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