There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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