dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
