I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
