Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
