guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
