just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
