hotel room ftw
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
