Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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