How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
